Seductive Poison by Deborah Layton

Author:Deborah Layton [Layton, Deborah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-57513-5
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2010-08-17T16:00:00+00:00

I made my way to the radio room, where I knew Father was communicating, as he did every night, with Teresa in the United States. I was worried that Sharon had reported more unkind remarks about me over the radio and I had to show Jim that I continued to respect him. My arrival would not be complete until he peered into my eyes to see if I had remained a believer.

I greeted him and his most trusted disciples. Jim had a bloated look about his face and nervously licked at his dry lips. Maria was even thinner than the last time I had seen her and looked as agitated. She barely glanced at me as I stood outside their den of information. I smiled anxiously and she continued in a conversation I seemed to have interrupted. Annie was talking to Carolyn and stopped to nod, as did Carolyn.

As I stood there facing Father, cloaking my fears with adulation and obedient respect, wondering what they were thinking or had been told about me, a hard-shelled black flying beetle, half the size of my fist, landed on my shoulder. Fear is a dangerous weakness in a cloistered society. It means that you could potentially betray your comrades and the entire community. I was petrified but I knew that I couldn’t show it. The beetle began to crawl from my shoulder, up my neck and into my hair. My muscles stiffened, I could feel cramping in my legs as I tried to control my panic. The heavy silence in the room told me to remain still. No one made an effort to help me, to remove the vile, six-legged intruder. My intuition told me that everything was at stake. I had to control my fear, my hatred, and loathing of Father at any cost. Become the chameleon and survive, I warned myself.

Jim was watching me closely, trying to decipher whether I had become more distant or less trustworthy since my separation from him and the inner circle. Would he allow me further separation and independence? Would his designated few accept me back into the fold? I had to be tested. The beetle was entangled in my locks, pulling strands of my hair as its hairy, ugly legs struggled to free themselves. I shuddered uncontrollably. Jim began to laugh. Suddenly, the tension in the air subsided and the others began to giggle with relief. Carolyn walked over to me, removed the repulsive creature, and smiled. I thought I saw sorrow in her eyes.

“Debbie, you continue to amaze me and make me laugh,” said my leader. I had passed this test but I knew that more trials were to come before I would be allowed back into the fold of the trusted few.

When I finally lay down on my bunk, I covered my head with my pillow. Jim’s voice was still being broadcast over the encampment, so that each shift, day and night, could receive “the Word,” and stay focused. Eventually, I fell into a restless sleep.

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